I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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