i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
