Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
