She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
