It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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