Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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