somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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