You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize