is your mom at the bar?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
