maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is wine microwaveable?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
