Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
