On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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