Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
