I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
