It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
