thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize