I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize