you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize