that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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