It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I want is dick and wine.
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