Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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