I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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