My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
