Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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