His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
