my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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