I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
