The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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