You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
