I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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