A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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