so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
