Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize