She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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