I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
