I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
