guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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