Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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