Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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