I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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