im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
