considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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