ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
