Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
