On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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