Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
