I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
