dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
