i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
