She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
