He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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