i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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