hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
