I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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