shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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