I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
