I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
