so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
