Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A+ Viking dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
