im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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