2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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