Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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