Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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