Jerry, you need to find god
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
