Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
