I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
