I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
