My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
