First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
